[POUNDING]
[MEN SHOUTING]
Man: ## PO LAZARUS ##
Men: HUHH!
Men: ## WELL, THE HIGH SHERIFF ##
## HE TOLD THE DEPUTY ##
## WON'T YOU GO OUT AND BRING ME LAZARUS? ##
HUHH!
## WELL, THE HIGH SHERIFF ##
## HE TOLD THE DEPUTY ##
## WON'T YOU GO OUT AND BRING ME LAZARUS? ##
GET A BREAK, BOSS?
NO BREAK--
## OH, BRING HIM DEAD OR ALIVE ##
## O LORD ##
## BRING HIM DEAD OR ALIVE ##
HUHH!
## WELL, THE DEPUTY ##
## HE TOLD THE HIGH SHERIFF ##
## WELL, I AIN'T GONNA MESS ##
## WITH LAZARUS ##
HUHH!
## WELL, THE DEPUTY ##
## HE TOLD THE HIGH SHERIFF ##
## ## SAID, I AIN'T GONNA MESS
## WITH LAZARUS ##
Guard: PICK UP THAT HAMMER THERE, BOY.
Prisoner: YES, SIR, BOSS.
## HE'S A DANGEROUS MAN ##
## O LORD ##
## HE'S A DANGEROUS MAN ##
HUHH!
Guard: COME ON, GET IT! GO!
HUHH!
[MAN HARMONIZING]
HUHH!
Harry McClintock: ## ONE EVENIN G AS THE SUN WENT DOWN ##
## AND THE JUNGLE FIRE WAS BURNING ##
## DOWN THE TRACK CAME A HOBO HIKIN' ##
## AND HE SAID, BOYS, I'M NOT TURNING ##
## I'M HEADED FOR A LAND THAT'S FAR AWAY ##
## BESIDE THE CRYSTAL FOUNTAINS ##
## SO COME WITH ME, WE'LL GO AND SEE ##
## THE BIG ROCK CANDY MOUNTAINS ##
## IN THE BIG ROCK CANDY MOUNTAINS ##
## THERE'S A LAND THAT'S FAIR AND BRIGHT ##
## WHERE THE HANDOUTS GROW ON BUSHES ##
## AND YOU SLEEP OUT EVERY NIGHT ##
## WHERE THE BOXCARS ALL ARE EMPTY ##
## AND THE SUN SHINES EVERY DAY ##
## ON THE BIRDS AND THE BEES AND THE CIGARETTE TREES ##
## THE LEMONADE SPRINGS WHERE THE BLUEBIRD SINGS ##
## IN THE BIG ROCK CANDY MOUNTAINS ##
## ALL THE COPS HAVE WOODEN LEGS ##
## AND THE BULLDOGS ALL HAVE RUBBER TEETH ##
## AND THE HENS LAY SOFT-BOILED EGGS ##
## THE FARMERS' TREES ARE FULL OF FRUIT ##
## AND THE BARNS ARE FULL OF HAY ##
## OH, I'M BOUND TO GO WHERE THERE AIN'T NO SNOW ##
## WHERE THE RAIN DON'T FALL, THE WIND DON'T BLOW ##
## IN THE BIG ROCK CANDY MOUNTAINS ##
## YOU NEVER CHANGE YOUR SOCKS ##
## AND THE LITTLE STREAMS OF ALCOHOL ##
## COME A-TRICKLING DOWN THE ROCKS ##
## AND THE BRAKEMEN HAVE TO TIP THEIR HATS ##
## AND THE RAILROAD BULLS ARE BLIND ##
## THERE'S A LAKE OF STEW AND OF WHISKEY, TOO ##
## YOU CAN PADDLE ALL AROUND 'E M IN A BIG CANOE ##
## IN THE BIG ROCK CANDY MOUNTAINS ##
[DOGS BARKING]
## THE JAILS ARE MADE OF TIN ##
## AND YOU CAN WALK RIGHT OUT AGAIN ##
## AS SOON AS YOU ARE IN ##
## THERE AIN'T NO SHORT-HANDLE SHOVELS ##
## NO AXES, SAWS, OR PICKS ##
## I'M A-GOIN' TO STAY WHERE YOU SLEEP ALL DAY ##
## WHERE THEY HUNG THE JERK THAT INVENTED WORK ##
## IN THE BIG ROCK CANDY MOUNTAINS ##
[WHISTLING]
## I'LL SEE YOU ALL THIS COMIN' FALL ##
## IN THE BIG ROCK CANDY MOUNTAINS ##
[TRAIN RUNNING]
[TRAIN HORN BLOWS]
Everett: SAY...
ANY OF YOU BOYS SMITHIES?
OR IF NOT SMITHIES PER SE,
WERE YOU OTHERWISE TRAINED IN THE METALLURGIC ARTS
AAH! BEFORE STRAITENED CIRCUMSTANCES
FORCED YOU INTO A LIFE OF AIMLESS WANDERIN'?
[TRAIN HORN BLOWS]
JESUS! CAN'T I COUNT ON YOU PEOPLE?
SORRY, EVERETT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
IF WE TAKE OFF THROUGH THAT BAYOU--
Pete: WAIT A MINUTE.
WHO ELECTED YOU LEADER OF THIS OUTFIT?
WELL, PETE, I FIGURED IT SHOULD BE THE ONE
WITH THE CAPACITY FOR ABSTRACT THOUGHT,
BUT IF THAT AIN'T THE CONSENSUS VIEW,
THEN HELL, LET'S PUT IT TO A VOTE.
SUITS ME!
I'M VOTIN' FOR YOURS TRULY.
WELL, I'M VOTIN' FOR YOURS TRULY, TOO.
OK. I'M WITH YOU FELLAS.
[DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE]
[SQUEAK]
MIND IF WE JOIN YOU, OLD-TIMER?
## JOIN ME, M' SON ##
## JOIN ME ##
Delmar: YOU WORK FOR THE RAILROAD, GRANDPA?
I WORK FOR NO MAN.
GOT A NAME, DO YOU?
I HAVE NO NAME.
WELL, THAT RIGHT THERE MAY BE THE REASON
YOU'VE HAD DIFFICULTY FINDING GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT.
YOU SEE, IN THE MART OF COMPETITIVE COMMERCE--
Old man: YOU SEEK A GREAT FORTUNE,
YOU THREE WHO ARE NOW IN CHAINS.
YOU WILL FIND A FORTUNE,
THOUGH IT WILL NOT BE THE FORTUNE YOU SEEK.
BUT FIRST...
Old man: FIRST YOU MUST TRAVEL,
A LONG AND DIFFICULT ROAD,
A ROAD FRAUGHT WITH PERIL. MM-HMM.
YOU SHALL SEE THANGS...
WONDERFUL TO TELL.
YOU SHALL SEE A... A COW...
ON THE ROOF OF A COTTON HOUSE. HA.
Old man: AND, OH, SO MANY STARTLEMENTS.
I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW LONG THIS ROAD SHALL BE,
BUT FEAR NOT THE OBSTACLES IN YOUR PATH,
FOR FATE HAS...
VOUCHSAFED YOUR REWARD.
, THOUGH THE ROAD MAY WIND
YEA, YOUR HEARTS GROW WEARY,
STILL SHALL YE FOLLOW THEM,
EVEN UNTO YOUR SALVATION.
Everett: NO, THE TREASURE'S STILL THERE, BOYS, BELIEVE ME.
Delmar: BUT HOW'D HE KNOW ABOUT THE TREASURE?
I DON'T KNOW, DELMAR.
THE BLIND ARE REPUTED TO POSSESS SENSITIVITIES
COMPENSATING FOR THEIR LACK OF SIGHT,
EVEN TO THE POINT OF DEVELOPING PARANORMAL,
PSYCHIC POWERS.
NOW, CLEARLY, SEEING IN THE FUTURE,
WOULD FALL NEATLY INTO THAT CATEGORY.
IT'S NOT SO SURPRISING, THEN,
THAT AN ORGANISM DEPRIVED OF ITS EARTHLY VISION--
HE SAID WE WOULDN'T GET IT.
HE SAID WE WOULDN'T GET THE TREASURE WE SEEK...
ON ACCOUNT OF OUR OBSTACLES.
WHAT THE HELL DOES HE KNOW?
HE'S AN IGNORANT OLD MAN.
JESUS, PETE. I TOLD YOU I BURIED IT MYSELF.
IF YOUR COUSIN STILL HAS THIS HERE HORSE FARM
AND A FORGE AND SOME SHOEIN' IMPEDIMENTA
TO RESTORE LIBERTY OF MOVEMENT--
[GUNSHOT]
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
[GASPS]
YOU MEN FROM THE BANK?
Pete: YOU WASH'S BOY?
YES, SIR. DADDY TOLD ME
I'M TO SHOOT WHO'S EVER FROM THE BANK.
Delmar: WELL, WE AIN'T FROM THE BANK, YOUNG FELLER.
YES, SIR. I'M ALSO SUPPOSED
TO SHOOT FOLKS SERVIN' PAPERS.
WE AIN'T GOT NO PAPERS, NEITHER.
I NICKED THE CENSUS MAN.
Delmar: NOW, THERE'S A GOOD BOY.
IS-IS YOUR DADDY ABOUT?
[CHAINS RATTLING]
HELLO, PETE.
WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS?
PLEASED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE,
MR. HOGWALLOP.
MY NAME'S ULYSSES EVERETT McGILL AND--
AND I'M DELMAR O'DONNEL.
HOW YOU BEEN, WASH?
BEEN WHAT, 12, 13 YEARS?
[SIGHS]
YEAH...[SNIFFS]
I EXPECT YOU WANT THEM CHAINS KNOCKED OFF.
Wash: THEY FORECLOSED ON COUSIN BISHOP.
HE HANGED HISSELF A YEAR COME MAY.
Pete: AND UNCLE RADCLIFFE?
Wash: THE ANTHRAX TOOK MOST OF HIS COWS.
THE REST DON'T MILK.
HE LOST A BOY TO MUMPS.
WHERE'S CORA, COUSIN WASH?
COULDN'T SAY. [SNIFFS]
[WIND WHISTLING]
MRS. HOGWALLOP UP AND R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
SHE MUST HAVE BEEN LOOKIN' FOR ANSWERS.
POSSIBLY.
GOOD RIDDANCE, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
[SNIFFS] I DO MISS HER COOKING, THOUGH.
THIS STEW'S AWFUL GOOD.
Wash: YOU THINK SO?
I SLAUGHTERED THIS HORSE LAST TUESDAY.
Wash: I'M AFRAID SHE'S STARTIN' TO TURN.
Alan O'Bryant on radio: ## YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE ##
## MY ONLY SUNSHINE ##
## YOU MAKE ME HAPPY ##
## WHEN SKIES ARE GRAY ##
## YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, DEAR ##
## HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU ##
## PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY ##
Pappy: WELL, THAT WINDS UP TONIGHT'S
"PASS THE BISCUITS" PAPPY O'DANIEL FLOUR HOUR.
THIS IS PAPPY O'DANIEL
HOPIN' YOU FOLKS BEEN ENJOYIN' THAT GOOD OLD-TIMEY MUSIC.
AND REMEMBER,
WHEN YOU'RE FIXIN' TO FRY UP SOME FLAPJACKS
OR BAKE A MESS OF BISCUITS,
USE COOL, CLEAR WATER
AND GOOD, PURE PAPPY O'DANIEL FLOUR.
WELL, GUESS I'LL BE TURNIN' IN.
SAY, UH, COUSIN WASH,
I SUPPOSE IT'D BE THE, UH, ACME OF FOOLISHNESS
TO INQUIRE IF YOU HAD A HAIR NET.
WE GOT A BUNCH IN YON BUREAU.
MRS. HOGWALLOP'S, AS A MATTER OF FACT.
[SNIFFS] HELP YOURSELF.
I WON'T BE NEEDING 'EM.
Alan O'Bryant: ## YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE ##
## MY ONLY SUNSHINE ##
## YOU MAKE ME HAPPY ##
## WHEN SKIES ARE GRAY... ##
Lawman: ALL RIGHT, BOYS!
[DOG BARKING]
UNH. HOW'S MY HAIR?
Lawman: IT'S THE AUTHORITIES!
WE GOT YOU SURROUNDED.
DAMN, WE'RE IN A TIGHT SPOT.
Lawman: JUST COME ON OUT AND GRABBIN' AIR!
AND DON'T TRY NOTHIN' FANCY.
YOUR SITUATION IS PRETTY NIGH HOPELESS.
DAMN! WE'RE IN A TIGHT SPOT!
WHAT IN THE SAM HILL?
PETE'S COUSIN TURNED US IN FOR THE BOUNTY.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING?
WASH IS KIN!
Wash: SORRY, PETE!
I KNOW WE'RE KIN, BUT THEY GOT THIS DEPRESSION ON.
I GOT TO DO FOR ME AND MINE.
I'M GONNA KILL YOU,
Pete: JUDAS ISCARIOT HOGWALLOP!
YOU MISERABLE, HORSE-EATIN' SON OF A--
DAMN! WE'RE IN A TIGHT SPOT!
DAMN HIS EYES!
PA ALWAYS SAID, "NEVER TRUST A HOGWALLOP."
COME AND GET US, COPPERS!
[PETE GROANS]
Lawman: YOU BOYS IS LEAVIN' US NO CHOICE
BUT TO SMOKE YOU OUT.
Everett: DAMN! WE'RE IN A TIGHT SPOT.
LIGHT HER UP!
Everett: HOLD UP, BOYS!
AIN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF NEGOTIATIN'?
BET WE COULD TALK THIS THING OUT.
I HATE FIRE!
Pete: YOU LOUSY, LOW-DOWN, YELLOW-BELLIED GOAT--
Everett: PETE, WE GOT TO SPEAK WITH ONE VOICE HERE.
CAREFUL WITH THAT FIRE, NOW, BOYS!
[GUNFIRE]
Lawman: LIGHT THE LOFT, SON.
AAH!
Everett: I HATE FIRE!
GAPPED-TOOTHED, CARPETBAGGIN', MOTHERLESS SPAWN OF HELL!
Man: STEP BACK. DAMN IT. LOOK OUT.
HOLY ST. CHRISTOPHER!
GET AWAY FROM THAT VEHICLE, CHAPS!
SHE'S LIQUID FIRE!
[POPPING]
[GUNFIRE]
TAKE COVER, BOYS! THAT AIN'T POPCORN!
[GUNFIRE]
[HORN HONKING]
Man: LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
[HONKING]
SCATTER, BOYS!
Man: GOD DAMN IT!
GET IN, BOYS!
I'M GONNA R-U-N-N-O-F-T!
[DELMAR SCREAMING, PIG SQUEALING]
COME ON, BOYS, COME ON! COME ON!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Pete: YOU OUGHT TO BE IN BED, CLUMP SNATCHER.
YOU AIN'T THE BOSS OF ME!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
YOU CANDY-BODIED, CAR-THIEVIN' SOs-AND-SOs!
I CURSE YOUR NAME!
GO BACK HOME AND MIND YOUR PA!
[PIG SQUEALS]
WHAT'S THE DAMN PROBLEM?
I CAN GET THE PART FROM BRISTOL.
IT'LL TAKE 2 WEEKS. HERE'S YOUR POMADE.
Everett: 2 WEEKS?
THAT DON'T DO ME NO GOOD.
NEAREST FORD AUTO MAN'S BRISTOL.
HOLD ON, NOW. I DON'T WANT THIS POMADE.
I WANT DAPPER DAN.
I DON'T CARRY DAPPER DAN. I CARRY FOP.
WELL, I DON'T WANT FOP, GOD DAMN IT!
I'M A DAPPER DAN MAN!
WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE, YOUNG FELLA.
THIS IS A PUBLIC MARKET.
NOW, IF YOU WANT DAPPER DAN, I CAN ORDER IT FOR YOU.
HAVE IT IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
WELL, AIN'T THIS PLACE A GEOGRAPHICAL ODDITY.
2 WEEKS FROM EVERYWHERE.
FORGET IT.
JUST A DOZEN HAIR NETS.
WELL, DIDN'T LOOK LIKE A ONE-HORSE TOWN,
BUT TRY FINDING A DECENT HAIR JELLY.
Delmar: GOPHER, EVERETT?
AND NO TRANSMISSION BELT FOR 2 WEEKS NEITHER.
HUH? THEY DAM THAT RIVER ON THE 21st.
TODAY IS THE 17th.
DON'T I KNOW IT.
WE GOT BUT 4 DAYS TO GET TO THAT TREASURE.
AFTER THAT, IT'LL BE AT THE BOTTOM OF A LAKE.
WE AIN'T GONNA MAKE IT WALKIN'.
Everett: THAT'S RIGHT.
GOPHER, EVERETT?
BUT THE OLD TACTICIAN HAS GOT A PLAN.
FOR THE TRANSPORTATION, THAT IS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA KEEP MY COIFFURE IN ORDER.
HOW'S THIS A PLAN? HOW WE GONNA GET A CAR?
SELL THAT. I FIGURE YOU CAN ONLY HAVE
PAINFUL ASSOCIATION FOR WASH.
"TO WASHINGTON BARTHOLOMEW HOGWALLOP.
Pete: "FROM HIS LOVIN' CORA.
AMOR FIDEL...IS"
Everett: IT WAS IN HIS BUREAU.
I RECKON IT'LL FETCH US ENOUGH CASH
FOR A GOOD USED AUTO VOITURE
AND A LITTLE LEFTOVER BESIDES.
WHOO! YOU GOT SOME LIGHT FINGERS, EVERETT.
GOPHER?
YOU MISERABLE LITTLE SNAKE.
YOU STOLE FROM MY KIN!
WHO WAS FIXIN' TO BETRAY US.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT AT THE TIME.
SO I BORROWED IT TILL I DID KNOW.
THAT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE!
PETE, IT'S A FOOL WHO LOOKS FOR LOGIC
IN THE CHAMBERS OF THE HUMAN HEART.
[ANGELIC SINGING]
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SINGING?
APPEARS TO BE SOME KIND OF A...CONGREGATION.
CARE FOR SOME GOPHER?
NO, THANK YOU, DELMAR.
A THIRD OF A GOPHER WOULD ONLY AROUSE MY APPETITE
WITHOUT BEDDIN' HER BACK DOWN.
OH, YOU CAN HAVE THE WHOLE THING.
ME AND PETE ALREADY HAD ONE.
WE RAN ACROSS A WHOLE GOPHER VILLAGE.
## O BROTHERS, LET'S GO DOWN ##
## LET'S GO DOWN, COME ON DOWN ##
## COME ON, BROTHERS, LET'S GO DOWN ##
## DOWN IN THE RIVER TO PRAY ##
## AS I WENT DOWN IN THE RIVER TO PRAY ##
## STUDYIN' ABOUT THAT GOOD OLD WAY ##
## AND WHO SHALL WEAR THE STARRY CROWN ##
## GOOD LORD, SHOW ME THE WAY ##
## O FATHERS, LET'S GO DOWN ##
Congregation: ## LET'S GO DOWN, COME ON DOWN ##
## O FATHERS, LET'S GO DOWN ##
## DOWN IN THE RIVER TO PRAY ##
## AS I WENT DOWN IN THE RIVER TO PRAY ##
## STUDYING ABOUT THAT GOOD OLD WAY ##
## AND WHO SHALL WEAR THE ROBE AND CROWN ##
## GOOD LORD, SHOW ME THE WAY ##
## O MOTHERS, LET'S GO DOWN ##
## COME ON DOWN, DON'T YOU WANNA GO DOWN? ##
## COME ON, MOTHERS, LET'S GO DOWN ##
WELL, I GUESS HARD TIMES FLUSH THE CHUMPS.
EVERYBODY'S LOOKIN' FOR ANSWERS.
[SINGING CONTINUES]
WHERE THE HELL'S HE GOING?
THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE HOLY GHOST.
## GOOD LORD, SHOW ME THE WAY ##
Congregation: ## O SINNERS, LET'S GO DOWN ##
WELL, I'LL BE A SON OF A BITCH.
DELMAR'S BEEN SAVED.
WELL, THAT'S IT, BOYS. I BEEN REDEEMED.
THE PREACHER DONE WASHED AWAY
ALL MY SINS AND TRANSGRESSIONS.
IT'S THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW FROM HERE ON OUT.
AND HEAVEN EVERLASTING'S MY REWARD.
DELMAR, WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
WE GOT BIGGER FISH TO FRY.
THE PREACHER SAID ALL MY SINS IS WASHED AWAY,
INCLUDING THAT PIGGLY WIGGLY I KNOCKED OVER IN YAZOO.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WAS INNOCENT OF THOSE CHARGES.
WELL, I WAS LYIN'.
AND THE PREACHER SAID
THAT THAT SIN'S BEEN WASHED AWAY, TOO.
NEITHER GOD, NOR MAN'S GOT NOTHIN' ON ME NOW.
COME ON IN, BOYS. THE WATER IS FINE.
Lawman: COME ON, BOY. THERE, BOY.
GOOD DOGGY.
[DOG SNIFFING]
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, WE GOT THE SCENT.
[MAN MUTTERS]
THE PREACHER SAID IT ABSOLVED US.
FOR HIM, NOT FOR THE LAW.
I'M SURPRISED AT YOU, PETE.
I GAVE YOU CREDIT FOR MORE BRAINS THAN DELMAR.
BUT THERE WAS WITNESSES SEEN US REDEEMED.
THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE, DELMAR.
EVEN IF IT DID PUT YOU SQUARE WITH THE LORD,
THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI'S A LITTLE MORE HARD-NOSED.
YOU SHOULD HAVE JOINED US, EVERETT.
IT COULDN'T HAVE HURT NONE.
HELL, AT LEAST IT WOULD HAVE WASHED AWAY
THE STINK OF THAT POMADE.
JOINING YOU TWO IGNORANT FOOLS
IN A RIDICULOUS SUPERSTITION--
THANK YOU, ANYWAY.
AND I LIKE THE SMELL OF MY HAIR TREATMENT.
THE PLEASIN' ODOR'S HALF THE POINT.
BAPTISM!
YOU TWO ARE JUST DUMBER THAN A BAG OF HAMMERS.
WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE JUST MY CROSS TO BEAR.
PULL OVER, EVERETT.
Delmar: LET'S GIVE THAT COLORED BOY A LIFT.
YOU FOLKS GOING PAST TISHOMINGO?
SURE, HOP IN.
HOW YOU DOIN', SON? NAME'S EVERETT.
THESE TWO SOGGY SONS OF BITCHES
ARE PETE AND DELMAR.
Everett: KEEP YOUR FINGERS AWAY FROM PETE'S MOUTH.
HE AIN'T HAD NOTHING TO EAT FOR 13 YEARS,
EXCEPT PRISON FOOD, GOPHER, AND A LITTLE GREASY HORSE.
THANKS FOR THE LIFT, SIR.
MY NAME'S TOMMY. TOMMY JOHNSON.
HOW YOU DOIN', TOMMY?
SAY, I HAVEN'T SEEN A HOUSE OUT HERE FOR MILES.
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE?
WELL, I HAD TO BE AT THAT THERE CROSSROADS LAST MIDNIGHT.
SELL MY SOUL TO THE DEVIL.
Everett: WELL, AIN'T IT A SMALL WORLD?
SPIRITUALLY SPEAKIN'.
PETE AND DELMAR JUST BEEN BAPTIZED AND SAVED.
I GUESS I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT REMAINS UNAFFILIATED.
Delmar: THIS AIN'T NO LAUGHIN' MATTER, EVERETT.
WHAT'D THE DEVIL GIVE YOU FOR YOUR SOUL, TOMMY?
WELL, HE TAUGHT ME TO PLAY THIS HERE GUITAR REAL GOOD.
OH, SON,
FOR THAT YOU TRADED YOUR EVERLASTING SOUL?
WELL, I WASN'T USIN' IT.
I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED, WHAT'S THE DEVIL LOOK LIKE?
WELL, OF COURSE, THERE ARE ALL MANNER
OF LESSER IMPS AND DEMONS, PETE,
BUT THE GREAT SATAN HISSELF
IS RED AND SCALY WITH A BIFURCATED TAIL,
AND HE CARRIES A HAY FORK.
Tommy: OH, NO. NO, SIR.
HE'S WHITE. AS WHITE AS YOU FOLKS.
WITH EMPTY EYES AND A BIG, HOLLOW VOICE.
HE LOVED TO TRAVEL AROUND WITH A MEAN OLD HOUND.
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND HE TOLD YOU TO GO TO TISHOMINGO?
WELL, NO, SIR. WHY, THAT WAS MY IDEA.
I HEARD THERE'S A MAN DOWN THERE.
HE PAYS FOLKS MONEY TO SING INTO HIS CAN.
Tommy: THEY SAY HE PAYS EXTRA
IF'N YOU PLAY REAL GOOD.
TISHOMINGO, HUH?
HOW MUCH HE PAY?
[SQUEAKING]
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, FOLLOW MY LEAD.
HELLO?
Everett: WHO'S THE HONCHO AROUND HERE?
I AM. WHO ARE YOU?
Everett: WELL, SIR, I'M JORDAN RIVERS,
AND THESE HERE ARE THE SOGGY BOTTOM BOYS
OUT OF COTTONILLIA, MISSISSIPPI.
SONGS OF SALVATION TO SALVE THE SOUL.
UH, WE HEAR THAT YOU PAY GOOD MONEY
TO SING INTO A CAN.
WELL, THAT ALL DEPENDS.
YOU BOYS DO NEGRO SONGS?
UM...WELL, UH, SIR, WE ARE NEGROES.
ALL EXCEPT FOR OUR ACCOMP--OUR ACCOMP--
UH, THE FELLA THAT PLAYS THE GUITAR.
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T RECORD NEGRO SONGS.
Man: NO, I'M LOOKIN' FOR SOME OLD-TIMEY MATERIAL.
YOU SEE, PEOPLE CAN'T SEEM TO GET ENOUGH OF IT
SINCE WE STARTED BROADCASTING IT
THE PAPPY O'DANIEL FLOUR HOUR,
SO THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY, BUT--
Everett: SIR, UH, THE SOGGY BOTTOM BOYS
HAVE BEEN STEEPED IN OLD-TIMEY MATERIAL.
HECK, WE'RE SILLY WITH IT, AIN'T WE, BOYS?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WE AIN'T REALLY NEGROES.
ALL EXCEPT FOR OUR ACCOMPANIST.
[TOMMY PLAYING GUITAR]
## I ##
## AM A MAN ##
## OF CONSTANT SORROW ##
## I'VE SEEN TROUBLE ##
## ALL MY DAYS ##
## I ##
## BID FAREWELL ##
## TO OLD KENTUCKY ##
## THE PLACE WHERE I ##
## WAS BORN AND RAISED ##
## THE PLACE WHERE HE ##
## WAS BORN AND RAISED ##
## FOR ##
## 6 LONG YEARS ##
## I'VE BEEN IN TROUBLE ##
## NO PLEASURE HERE ##
## ON EARTH I FOUND ##
## FOR ##
## IN THIS WORLD ##
## I'M BOUND TO RAMBLE ##
Everett: ## I HAVE NO FRIENDS ##
## TO HELP ME OUT ##
## HE HAS NO FRIENDS ##
## TO HELP HIM OUT ##
## MAYBE ##
## YOUR FRIENDS THINK ##
## I'M JUST A STRANGER ##
## MY FACE YOU NEVER ##
## WILL SEE NO MORE ##
[HUMMING ALONG OFF-KEY]
## BUT ##
## THERE IS ONE PROMISE ##
## THAT IS GIVEN ##
## I'LL MEET YOU ON ##
## GOD'S GOLDEN SHORE ##
## HE'LL MEET YOU ON ##
## GOD'S GOLDEN SHORE ##
WHOO! HOT DAMN, SON!
I BELIEVE YOU DID SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL!
WHOO-EE!
BOY, THAT WAS SOME MIGHTY FINE A-PICKIN' AND A-SINGIN'.
Man: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
AHEM. YOU COME ON IN HERE, YOU...
YOU SIGN THESE PAPERS HERE.
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU $10 APIECE.
UH, UH, OK, SIR, BUT MERT AND, UH, UH,
ALOYSIOUS'LL JUST HAVE TO SIGN Xs.
ONLY 4 OF US CAN WRITE.
Man: THAT'D BE FINE.
HA HA!
WHOO!
HEY, MISTER, I DON'T MEAN
TO BE TELLIN' TALES OUT OF SCHOOL,
BUT THERE'S A FELLA IN THERE WHO'LL PAY YOU $10
Delmar: IF YOU SING INTO HIS CAN.
I'M NOT HEAR TO MAKE A RECORD, YOU DUMB CRACKER.
THEY BROADCAST ME OUT ON THE RADIO.
THAT'S GOVERNOR MENELAUS,
Junior: "PASS THE BISCUITS" PAPPY O'DANIEL.
AND HE'D SURE APPRECIATE IT IF YOU ATE HIS FARINA
AND VOTED HIM A SECOND TERM.
FINEST GOVERNOR WE EVER HAD IN MISSISSIPPI.
Pappy: IN ANY STATE.
Man: O LORD, YES. EVERY PARISH OR PRECINCT.
Man: HE WAS MAKIN' THE BIGGER POINT.
WELL, AIN'T YOU GONNA PRESS THE FLESH, PAPPY?
DO A LITTLE POLITICKING?
I'LL PRESS YOUR FLESH, YOU DIMWITTED SUMBITCH.
YOU DON'T TELL YOUR PAPPY HOW TO COURT THE ELECTORATE.
WE AIN'T ONE-AT-A-TIMIN' HERE.
WE'RE MASS COMMUNICATIN'!
OH, YES, THAT'S A POWERFUL NEW FORCE.
MM-HMM!
SHAKE A LEG, JUNIOR.
THANK GOD YOUR MAMMY DIED GIVIN' BIRTH.
IF SHE'D HAVE SEEN YOU, SHE'D HAVE DIED OF SHAME.
WELL, HI THERE! HOW YOU DOIN'?
[TOMMY PLAYING GUITAR]
Tommy: ## HARD TIME HERE AND EVERY... ##
## WHERE YOU GO ##
## TIMES IS HARDER THAN EVER BEEN BEFORE ##
## AND THE PEOPLE ARE DRIFTIN' ##
## FROM DOOR TO DOOR ##
Tommy: ## CAN'T FIND NO HEAVEN ##
## I DON'T CARE WHERE THEY GO ##
## MMM HMM ##
## MMM HMM-HMM-HMM-HMM-HMM HMM HMM ##
## YOU SAY YOU HAD MONEY ##
## YOU BETTER BE SURE ##
## 'CAUSE THESE HARD TIMES WILL DRIVE YOU ##
## FROM DOOR TO DOOR ##
## UH HMM ##
## MMM HMM ##
## MMM HMM-HMM-HMM-HMM-HMM HMM HMM ##
LET'S BED DOWN HERE FOR THE NIGHT.
YEAH, IT STINKS IN THAT OLD BARN.
SUITS ME.
PRETTY SOON IT'LL BE NOTHIN'
BUT FEATHERBEDS AND SILK SHEETS.
Tommy: ## MMM HMM ##
MILLION DOLLARS.
MILLION-POINT-TWO.
Delmar: 500,000 EACH.
Everett: 400, DELMAR.
PETE, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
WITH YOUR SHARE OF THE TREASURE?
GO OUT WEST SOMEWHERE.
OPEN A FINE RESTAURANT.
I'M GONNA BE THE MAITRE D'.
GREET ALL THE SWELLS.
GO TO WORK EVERY DAY IN A BOW TIE,
TUXEDO.
AND ALL THE STAFF SAY "YES, SIR" AND...
"NO, SIR..."
AND "IN A JIFFY, PETE."
AND ALL MY MEALS FOR FREE.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, DELMAR?
Everett: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH YOUR SHARE OF THAT DOUGH?
I'M GONNA VISIT THEM FORECLOSIN' SON OF A GUNS
DOWN AT THE INDIANOLA SAVINGS AND LOAN.
SLAP THAT MONEY ON THE BARREL HEAD
AND BUY BACK THE FAMILY FARM.
YOU AIN'T NO KIND OF MAN IF YOU AIN'T GOT LAND.
Pete: WHAT ABOUT YOU, EVERETT?
WHAT YOU HAVE IN MIND
WHEN YOU STOLE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?
[CLEARS THROAT] I...
DIDN'T HAVE NO PLAN.
WELL, THAT HARDLY SOUND LIKE YOU.
Lawman: ALL RIGHT, BOYS! IT'S THE AUTHORITIES!
YOUR SITUATION IS PURTY NIGH HOPELESS!
DAMN, THEY FOUND OUR CAR.
Lawman: WE AIN'T GOT THE TIME
AND NARY THE INCLINATION
TO CHAT WITH YOU BOYS ANY FURTHER.
DAMN, WE GOT TO SKEDADDLE.
I LEFT MY POMADE IN THE CAR.
MAYBE I CAN CREEP UP.
DON'T BE A FOOL, EVERETT.
WE GOT TO R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
[LAUGHTER]
Everett: WHERE'S TOMMY?
ALREADY LIT OUT.
Pete: SCARED OUT OF HIS WITS.
LET'S GO!
WELL, HELL, IT AIN'T SQUARE ONE.
AIN'T NO ONE GONNA PICK UP
3 FILTHY, UNSHAVED HITCHHIKERS.
AND ONE OF THEM A KNOW-IT-ALL
WHO CAN'T KEEP HIS TRAP SHUT.
PETE, THE PERSONAL RANCOR REFLECTED IN THAT REMARK
I DON'T INTEND TO DIGNIFY WITH COMMENT.
BUT I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS YOUR GENERAL ATTITUDE
OF HOPELESS NEGATIVISM.
CONSIDER THE LILIES OF THE GODDAMN FIELD.
OR, HELL, TAKE A LOOK AT DELMAR HERE
AS YOUR PARADIGM OF HOPE.
YEAH. LOOK AT ME.
NOW, YOU MAY CALL IT AN UNREASONING OPTIMISM,
YOU MAY CALL IT OBTUSE,
BUT THE PLAIN AND SIMPLE FACT IS THAT WE GOT CLOSE TO...
3 DAYS BEFORE THEY...
[CAR APPROACHING]
Everett: DAM THAT RIVER.
IS THIS A ROAD TO ITTA BENA?
UH... ITTA BENA?
Everett: ITTA BENA?
ISN'T THAT-- ISN'T THAT, UH...
STAY ON THIS HERE ROAD.
NAH, THAT AIN'T RIGHT.
I WAS THINKING OF, UH...
TAKE THIS ROAD.
NAH, NAH, NAH, THAT AIN'T RIGHT.
Pete: IT SEEMS TO ME THERE'S A ROAD...
COW ROAD THAT USED TO LEAD ALL THE WAY--
Pete: WELL, MOST OF THE WAY.
THAT AIN'T RIGHT, EITHER.
HOP ON IN WHILE YOU GIVE IT A THINK.
Everett: RIGHT. DELMAR.
George: ANY OF YOU BOYS KNOW YOUR WAY
AROUND A WALTHER PPK?
WELL, SEE, THAT'S WHERE WE CAN'T HELP YOU.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT'S IN MISSISSIPPI.
FRIEND, SOME OF YOUR FOLDING MONEY HAS COME UNSTOWED.
George: JUST STUFF IT DOWN THAT SACK THERE, WILL YOU?
YOU BOYS AREN'T BAD MEN, I TAKE IT?
WELL, IT'S FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK.
I WAS BAD TILL YESTERDAY,
BUT ME AND PETE HERE BEEN SAVED.
Delmar: I'M DELMAR, AND THAT THERE IS EVERETT.
GEORGE NELSON.
IT'S A PLEASURE.
[SPITS]
GRAB THE TILLER, WILL YOU, BUDDY?
HAND ME THAT CHOPPER. HA HA HA HA!
SAY, WHAT LINE OF WORK YOU IN, GEORGE?
HA HA HA HA!
COME AND GET ME, COPPERS!
YOU FLATFOOTED, LAME-BRAINED, SOFT-ASS SONS OF BITCHES!
AH HA HA HA HA!
NO ONE CAN CATCH ME!
George: I'M GEORGE NELSON!
I'M BIGGER THAN ANY JOHN, LIVE OR LIMP!
I'M 10 1/2 FEET TALL!
George: COWS.
I HATE COWS WORSE THAN COPPERS!
[GROANS]
Delmar: OH, GEORGE. NOT THE LIVESTOCK.
COME ON, YOU MISERABLE, SALARIED SONS OF BITCHES!
George: COME AND GET ME!
[GROANS]
[HORN HONKS]
COME ON, BOYS, WE'RE GOING FOR THE RECORD.
3 BANKS IN 2 HOURS!
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
OK, FOLKS, HOLD THE APPLAUSE AND DROP YOUR DRAWERS.
I'M GEORGE NELSON,
AND I'M HERE TO SACK THE CITY ITTA BENA!
HE'S A LIVE WIRE, THOUGH, AIN'T HE?
George: ALL THE MONEY IN A BAG.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT, GRANDPA?
PARDON ME, GEORGE,
YOU GOT A PLAN FOR GETTIN' OUT OF HERE?
SURE, BOYS.
HERE'S MY PLAN. HA HA HA HA!
George: THEY AIN'T NEVER SEEN ORDNANCE LIKE THIS!
THANK YOU, FOLKS.
AND REMEMBER, JESUS SAVES,
BUT GEORGE NELSON WITHDRAWS! HA HA HA HA!
GO FIX THE AUTO VOITURE, PETE.
[WHISPERING] IS THAT BABYFACE NELSON?
WHO SAID THAT?
George: WHAT IGNORANT, LOWDOWN, SLANDERIZIN'
SON OF A BITCH SAID THAT?
MY NAME IS GEORGE NELSON. GET ME?!
SHE DIDN'T MEAN NOTHIN' BY IT, GEORGE.
GEORGE NELSON!
NOT BABYFACE!
YOU REMEMBER!
AND YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS!
I'M GEORGE NELSON.
BORN TO RAISE HELL.
[GASPS]
WELL, THAT WAS SOME FUN, NOW, WASN'T IT, GEORGE?
YEAH.
ALMOST MAKES ME WISHED I HADN'T HAVE BEEN SAVED.
JACKING UP BANKS.
I CAN SEE HOW A FELLA'D DERIVE A WHOLE LOT OF PLEASURE
AND SATISFACTION OUT OF IT.
IT'S OK.
Delmar: HOO, DAWGIES!
WELL...
I'M TAKIN' OFF.
YOU BOYS MIGHT AS WELL
KEEP MY... SHARE OF THE RICHES.
Delmar: WELL, WHERE ARE YOU GOING, GEORGE?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHO CARES?
[OWL HOOTING]
NOW, WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE IS EATIN' GEORGE?
WELL, DELMAR,
THEY SAY THAT WITH THE THRILL-SEEKING PERSONALITY,
Everett: WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN.
ON TOP OF THE WORLD ONE MINUTE, HAUNTED BY MEEKNESS THE NEXT.
YES, SIR, IT'S AS IF OUR OLD FRIEND, GEORGE,
IS A ALLEY CAT AND HIS OWN DAMN HUMORS
ARE SWINGIN' HIM BY THE TAIL.
I WOULDN'T WORRY, DELMAR.
HE'LL BE BACK ON TOP AGAIN.
I DON'T THINK WE'VE SEEN THE LAST OF GEORGE NELSON.
[KEEP ON THE SUNNY SIDE PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
Homer: DON'T BE SAPS FOR PAPPY.
HOMER STOKES FOR GOVERNOR.
LET'S SWEEP THIS STATE CLEAN.
VOTE FOR STOKES, BROTHER.
The Whites: ## MEET WITH THE DARKNESS AND STRIVE ##
## THE SUNNY SIDE YOU ALSO MAY VIEW ##
## KEEP ON THE SUNNY SIDE ##
## ALWAYS ON THE SUNNY SIDE ##
AW, SHH SHH. HANG ON!
I'M GONNA SLAP ONE ON HERE.
FOLKS, HERE'S MY COUSIN EZRA'S NIECE,
EUDORA FROM OUT OF GREENWOOD, DOIN' A LITTLE NUMBER
WITH HER COUSIN TOM-TOM,
WHICH I PREDICT YOU GONNA ENJOY THOROUGHLY.
NOW, WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR, MR. FRENCH?
HOW CAN I LAY AHOLD OF THEM SOGGY BOTTOM BOYS?
SOGGY BOTTOM.
I DON'T PRECISELY RECOLLECT THEM.
THEY CUT A RECORD IN HERE A FEW DAYS AGO
WITH AN OLD-TIMEY HARMONY THING,
WITH A GUITAR ACCOMPANY--ACCOMPANY--
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I REMEMBER THEM.
COLORED FELLAS, I BELIEVE.
YES, SIR, THEY A FINE BUNCH OF BOYS.
THEY SANG INTO YONDER CAN, THEN SKEDADDLED.
WELL, THAT RECORD
IS JUST GOIN' THROUGH THE GODDAMN ROOF.
THEY PLAYIN' IT AS FAR AWAY AS MOBILE.
Man: NO.
WHOLE DAMN STATE'S GOIN' APEY.
WELL, IT WAS A POWERFUL AIR.
HOT DAMN, WE GOT TO FIND THEM BOYS
AND SIGN 'EM TO A BIG FAT CONTRACT.
HELL'S BELLS, MR. LUND, IF WE DON'T,
THE GODDAMN COMPETITION WILL.
OH, MERCY, YES, WE GOT TO BEAT THAT COMPETITION.
YES, SIR. YES, SIR.
Women: ## FLY AWAY ##
## LIKE A BIRD, FROM THESE PRISON WALLS I'LL FLY ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY, O GLORY ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## IN THE MORNIN' ##
## WHEN I DIE, HALLELUJAH BY AND BY ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## JUST A FEW MORE WEARY DAYS, AND THEN ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## TO A LAND WHERE JOYS WILL NEVER END ##
[DELMAR SHOUTING]
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
[PETE LAUGHING]
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY, O GLORY ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## IN THE MORNIN' ##
## WHEN I DIE ##
[LAUGHTER]
## HALLELUJAH BY AND BY ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## WHEN THE SHADOWS OF THIS LIFE HAVE GONE ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## LIKE A BIRD FROM THESE PRISON WALLS OF LIFE ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
[SNEEZES]
DELMAR. OVER HERE.
DO YOU HAVE THE SOGGY BOTTOM BOYS
PERFORMING "MAN OF CONSTANT SORROW"?
NO, MA'AM. WE GOT A NEW SHIPMENT IN YESTERDAY.
SORRY, BUT WE JUST CAN'T KEEP 'EM ON OUR SHELVES.
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY, O GLORY ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## IN THE MORNIN' ##
## WHEN I DIE, HALLELUJAH BY AND BY ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## JUST A FEW MORE WEARY DAYS, AND THEN ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## TO A LAND WHERE JOYS WILL NEVER END ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY, O GLORY ##
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
HOW ARE YOU?
DELMAR, COME ON. GO. GO.
## I'LL FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ##
## IN THE MORNIN' ##
[PLAYING BANJO]
Women: ## GO TO SLEEP, YOU LITTLE BABY ##
SHUT UP, DELMAR.
[STOPS PLAYING BANJO]
[WOMEN SINGING IN DISTANCE]
[GASPS] UHH! OHH!
PULL OVER! PULL OVER!
GUESS OLD PETE'S GOT THE ITCH.
Women: ## GO TO SLEEP, YOU LITTLE BABY ##
## GO TO SLEEP, YOU LITTLE BABY ##
Women: ## YOUR MAMA'S GONE AWAY AND YOUR DADDY'S GONNA STAY ##
## DIDN'T LEAVE NOBODY BUT THE BABY ##
## GO TO SLEEP, YOU LITTLE BABY ##
HOWDY DO, LADIES?
NAME OF PETE.
## GO TO SLEEP, YOU LITTLE BABY ##
## EVERYBODY'S GONE AND THE COTTON AND THE CORN ##
## DIDN'T LEAVE NOBODY BUT THE BABY ##
AIN'T YOU GONNA INTRODUCE US, PETE?
I DON'T KNOW THEIR NAMES.
I SEEN 'EM FIRST!
## YOU'RE SWEET, LITTLE BABY ##
## HONEY IN THE ROCK, AND THE SUGAR DON'T STOP ##
## GONNA BRING A BOTTLE TO THE BABY ##
## DON'T YOU WEEP, PRETTY BABY ##
## SHE'S LONG GONE WITH HER RED SHOES ON ##
## GONNA NEED ANOTHER LOVIN' BABY ##
## GO TO SLEEP, YOU LITTLE BABY ##
Everett: LADIES, MY NAME IS ULYSSES EVERETT McGILL,
AND, WELL, YOU THREE LADIES ARE ABOUT THE...
THE PRETTIEST...
## YOU AND ME AND THE DEVIL MAKES 3 ##
## DON'T NEED NO OTHER LOVIN' BABY ##
WATER LILIES, UH...
## GO TO SLEEP, YOU LITTLE BABY ##
CORN LIQUOR.
## GO TO SLEEP, YOU LITTLE BABY ##
## YOU AND ME AND THE DEVIL MAKES 3 ##
## DON'T NEED NO OTHER LOVIN' BABY ##
## GO TO SLEEP, YOU LITTLE BABY ##
## YOUR MAMA'S GONE AWAY, AND YOUR DADDY'S GONNA STAY ##
## DIDN'T LEAVE NOBODY BUT THE BABY ##
## GO TO SLEEP, YOU LITTLE BABY ##
## COME LAY YOUR BONES ON THE ALABASTER STONES ##
## AND BE MY EVER-LOVIN' BABY ##
EVERETT.
MY HAIR!
LOOK AT THIS.
PETE!
WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?
PETE!
WE AIN'T GOT TIME FOR HIDE-AND-SEEK!
Everett: NOW, WE AIN'T GOT TIME FOR YOUR SHENANIGANS!
SWEET JESUS, EVERETT.
THEY LEFT HIS HEART.
[CROAKING]
[DELMAR GASPS]
AAH! AAH!
WHAT THE--DELMAR, WHAT THE HECK'S GOT INTO YOU?
Delmar: CAN'T YOU SEE IT, EVERETT?
THEM SIRENS DID THIS TO PETE.
THEY LOVED HIM UP
AND TURNED HIM INTO A... HORNY TOAD.
PETE!
PETE! PETE!
PETE!
PETE, IT'S ME-- DELMAR.
IT'S ME-- DELMAR.
Delmar: EVERETT.
DELMAR, WHAT THE--
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
I'M NOT SURE THAT'S PETE.
OF COURSE IT'S PETE. LOOK AT HIM.
WE GOT TO FIND SOME KIND OF... WIZARD CAN CHANGE HIM BACK.
I'M JUST NOT SURE THAT'S PETE.
Everett: YOU CAN'T DISPLAY A TOAD
IN A FINE RESTAURANT LIKE THIS.
WHY, THE GOOD FOLKS HERE'D GO RIGHT OFF THEIR FEED.
HEY. I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S RIGHT
KEEPING HIM UNDER WRAPS
LIKE WE WAS ASHAMED OF HIM.
WELL, IF IT IS PETE, AM ASHAMED OF HIM.
THE WAY I SEE IT, HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED.
FORNICATING WITH SOME WHORE OF BABYLON.
THESE THINGS DON'T HAPPEN FOR NO REASON, DELMAR.
IT'S OBVIOUSLY SOME KIND OF JUDGMENT ON PETE'S CHARACTER.
WELL, THE TWO OF US WAS FIXIN' TO FORNICATE.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO EXCUSE MY RUSTICATED FRIEND
UNACCUSTOMED AS HE IS TO CITY MANNERS. [SNAPS]
HMM?
Everett: I GUESS WE'LL HAVE OURSELVES
A COUPLE OF STEAKS
AND SOME, UH, GRATINE POTATOES,
AND WASH IT DOWN WITH SOME OF YOUR FINEST BUBBLY WINE.
OH, AND I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU HAVE ANY...
[GRUNTS]
MAYBE THE CHEF COULD PREPARE...
[GRUNTS]
JUST BRING US A COUPLE OF LEAVES OF RAW CABBAGE.
YES, SIR.
THANK YOU.
THAT KIND OF BARNYARD LANGUAGE--
I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE SEEN YOU BOYS AROUND HERE BEFORE.
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
NAME OF DANIEL TEAGUE,
KNOWN IN THESE PRECINCTS AS BIG DAN TEAGUE,
Big Dan: OR TO THOSE WHO ARE PRESSED FOR TIME--
BIG DANTOUT COURT!
Everett: HOW YOU DOIN', BIG DAN?
MY NAME'S ULYSSES EVERETT McGILL.
THIS IS MY ASSOCIATE DELMAR O'DONNEL.
I DETECT, LIKE ME,
YOU'RE ENDOWED WITH THE GIFT OF GAB.
I FLATTER MYSELF THAT SUCH IS THE CASE.
IN MY LINE OF WORK, IT'S PLUM NECESSARY.
THE ONE THING YOU DON'T WANT...
Big Dan: IS AIR IN THE CONVERSATION.
ONCE AGAIN WE FIND OURSELVES IN AGREEMENT.
WHAT KIND OF WORK YOU DO, BIG DAN?
SALES, MR. McGILL, SALES! AND WHAT DO I SELL?
THE TRUTH, EVERY BLESSED WORD OF IT.
FROM GENESIS ON DOWN TO REVELATIONS.
THAT'S RIGHT, THE WORD OF GOD,
WHICH, LET ME TELL YOU, THERE IS DAMN GOOD MONEY IN
DURING THESE TIMES OF WOE AND WANT.
PEOPLE ARE LOOKIN' FOR ANSWERS,
AND BIG DAN SELLS THE ONLY BOOK THAT'S GOT 'EM.
AND WHAT DO YOU DO,
YOU AND YOUR, UH, TONGUE-TIED FRIEND?
WE, UH...
WE'RE ADVENTURERS, SIR.
Everett: CURRENTLY PURSUING A CERTAIN OPPORTUNITY,
BUT WE'RE OPEN TO OTHERS AS WELL.
I LIKE YOUR STYLE, YOUNG MAN,
SO I'M GONNA PROPOSE YOU A PROPOSITION.
YOU COVER MY BILL, SO I DON'T HAVE TO RUN BACK UPSTAIRS,
GET YOUR WAITRESS TO WRAP YOUR DINNER PICNIC-STYLE,
Big Dan: AND WE SHALL RETIRE TO MORE PRIVATE ENVIRONS,
WHERE I WILL TELL YOU HOW THERE ARE VAST AMOUNTS OF MONEY
TO BE MADE IN THE SERVICE OF GOD ALMIGHTY.
WELL, WHY NOT? IF NOTHIN' ELSE,
I CAN USE SOME CIVILIZED CONVERSATION.
DON'T FORGET YOUR SHOE BOX, FRIEND.
DAMN SHAME!
GODDAMN CAMPAIGN IS LANGUISHIN'!
Pappy: WE NEED A SHOT IN THE ARM.
YOU HEAR ME, BOYS? IN THE GODDAMN ARM!
ELECTION HELD TOMORROW,
THAT SON OF BITCH STOKES WOULD WIN IT IN A WALK!
WELL, HE'S THE REFORM CANDIDATE, DADDY.
YEAH?
A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE THAT REFORM.
MAYBE WE SHOULD GET US SOME.
I'LL REFORM YOU, YOU SOFT-HEADED SON OF A BITCH.
HOW WE GONNA RUN REFORM WHEN WE'RE THE DAMN INCUMBENT?
IS THAT THE BEST IDEA YOU BOYS CAN COME UP WITH?
Pappy: REFORM?!
WEEPIN' JESUS ON THE CROSS.
THAT'S IT!
YOU MAY AS WELL START DRAFTING MY CONCESSION SPEECH RIGHT NOW.
OK, PAPPY.
I'M JUST MAKING A POINT, YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH.
GIVE ME BACK THAT HAT! HURRY UP!
PAPPY'S JUST MAKIN' A POINT.
SHUT UP!
THANK YOU, BOYS, FOR THROWING IN THAT FRICASSEE.
I'M A MAN OF LARGE APPETITES,
AND EVEN WITH LUNCH UNDER MY BELT,
I WAS FEELING A MITE PECKISH.
IT'S OUR PLEASURE, BIG DAN.
THANK YOU AS WELL FOR THE CONVERSATIONAL HIATUS.
I GENERALLY REFRAIN FROM SPEECH DURING GUSTATION.
THERE ARE THOSE WHO ATTEMPT BOTH AT THE SAME TIME.
I FIND IT COARSE AND VULGAR.
WHERE WERE WE?
MAKING MONEY IN THE LORD'S SERVICE.
YOU DON'T SAY MUCH, FRIEND, BUT WHEN YOU DO,
IT'S TO THE POINT AND I SALUTE YOU FOR IT.
Big Dan: YES, BIBLE SALES.
NOW, THE TRADE IS NOT A COMPLICATED ONE.
THERE ARE BUT 2 THINGS TO LEARN--
ONE BEING WHERE TO FIND A WHOLESALER,
THE WORD OF GOD IN BULK, AS IT WERE.
2--HOW TO RECOGNIZE YOUR CUSTOMER.
WHO ARE YOU DEALING WITH?
IT'S AN EXERCISE IN PSYCHOLOGY, SO TO SPEAK.
AND IT IS THAT WHICH I PROPOSE
TO GIVE YOU A LESSON IN RIGHT NOW.
[BRANCH CRACKS]
WHY, I LIKE TO THINK I'M A PRETTY ASTUTE OBSERVER
OF THE HUMAN SCENE, TOO, BIG DAN.
NO DOUBT, BROTHER.
I FIGURED AS MUCH BACK AT THE RESTAURANT.
THAT'S WHY I INVITED YOU ALL OUT HERE
FOR THIS ADVANCED TUTORIAL.
UNH!
WHAT'S GOING ON, BIG DAN?
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY, BOYS!
Big Dan: THAT'S IT!
GOL...DURNED...MONEY!
I DON'T GET IT, BIG DAN.
RAAH!
I JUST TAKE YOUR SHOW CARDS.
YAAH!
[YELLING]
AND WHATEVER YOU GOT IN THE HOLE.
WHAT THE...
THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A DAMN TOAD.
NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THAT'S PETE.